I am not invisible yet why do I feel that way? I blend in to the heterosexual skyline with nothing to set me apart from the others.

While at a diner-ish type restaurant (of all places, right?) today, I saw a butch woman sitting in a group at one of the other tables. I was sitting amongst my very straight family and looking the part as always.

How does one look femme without looking straight? Should I wrap myself in a rainbow flag or wear a flashing neon sign? I am one of those lesbians people would say is “passable” – I pass in the straight world as if I am one of them. This poses a problem when I am anywhere not gay-populated and want to be noticed as gay, more specifically, as a femme (of sorts).

In the past I have felt like I needed to “be gay” or act more gay to get others to notice me, but then I just end up trying to emulate butches (and miss the mark) as they are usually unmistakably viewed as lesbians. I think I would fare better attracting a butch if I looked and acted like a femme but there’s a fine line between that and a straight girl, at least as far as appearance goes.

How does one communicate their gay-ness without saying a word? I’m a little too shy for winks but I will occasionally smile in their direction. Still, you’re taking a leap when you are not in a gay bar/establishment and don’t know positively that the other person is gay, though again, some look the part more than I but that doesn’t always mean anything.

I'm not really a fan of blending in, and I sure as hell don't want to be invisible. What's a femme to do?