I have hesitated to even write this entry as I do not think it will accurately reflect my feelings.  Someone had come in to my life unexpectedly and we had spent a lot of time getting to know one another.  There had been a few bumps but I really felt like this past weekend we had turned the corner and were on the same page, both looking towards what the future may bring for us.  I made a mistake and now have lost this wonderful thing I felt we were creating together.

In our talks, hy must have shared things about hys friends, and I told others these comments, and eventually it got back to hys friends.  They were obviously hurt by hys comments and hy apologized and asked for their forgiveness.  I betrayed hys trust and hy will not accept my apology nor will hy forgive me; hy simply cannot ever trust me again.  I do not know what the comments were or whom they were made about, as hy will not tell me to protect hys friends.  I do not recall making comments about hys friends but I said I would accept responsibility for anything I have said to others about hym or hys friends.  I cannot think of an instance where hy spoke negatively of hys friends to me because the truth of the matter is, hy adores them, particularly hys brother and sister to the south.  So I don’t know what I could have relayed to others.  Certainly it would not have ever been something I did maliciously or with the intent to hurt others. 

I would NEVER do anything to hurt hym or those close to hym.  I had hoped by now that hy knew that about me and believed it.  If I said something in passing that was hurtful, I was not aware of it, but I would still take responsibility for it; I do not place the blame on others.  There is someone in hys life whose motives I question, as she has made it clear she has feelings for hym by becoming jealous over the slightest thing, in my case, it was my profile signature.  But hy and I had discussed it, as we did everything, because we both believe in open and honest communication.  Yes, I was frustrated by her actions and did voice that to my friends, but I feel I was within my right to do so.  I guess I am really disheartened that hy sees only this one mistake, and feels that is indicative of my future behavior and character.

The one thing I find odd in all of this is neither of my friends know anything about things hy has said about hys friends.  I only confided in 2 people that we were even talking at all, and I didn’t tell them much about hym much less hys friends.  If neither of them knew these comments, they could not pass them on to others to get back to hys friends.  This begs the question – did I really repeat things hy had said to me?  And if I did, who did I tell?  I’m not gonna lie, I think something here doesn’t add up, and I have to wonder who would benefit the most if the two of us weren’t “together” in some capacity.  Is there someone that would want to see me miserable (because I sure as hell am)?  What would be their motivation?  I guess if someone decided they didn’t like me and didn’t feel I was a good fit for hym, but I’d hate to think that a friend would do that and not support their friend’s choices.